i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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