hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
