My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
