Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
