I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
