Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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