Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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