ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
