my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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