The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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