I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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