i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
