Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
