yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
