i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
