oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
