I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
