I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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