this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
