Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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