I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
