I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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