He uses pillows to masturbate.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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