hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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