I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
