Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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