something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
