its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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