the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
