To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
