I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
