well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
