Non-Jews are for practice
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
