First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
