You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
