we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
