You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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