Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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