she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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