she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I need a burrito and a hug.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
