end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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