Say something about gay babies.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
