Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
