I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
