Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
