my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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