There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
