I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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