and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
