Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
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This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My vagina is officially offended.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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