I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
