i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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