i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
