Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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