I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
