I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
