why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He passed out mid-signature
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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