He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
