Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
