I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
