So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
