She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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