i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
