if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
