Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
