Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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