he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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