in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
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I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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