Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
