it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
