How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
