the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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